


Deepest Secrets

by floatingpetals



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Lots of Angst, Multi, Reader-Insert, privacy is unintentionally violated, steve and bucky mess up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 19:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16839025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floatingpetals/pseuds/floatingpetals
Summary: A journal is meant to be personal a way for someone to express their secrets without judgment. Nor is it suppose to be read by others. A misplaced journal can cause all sorts of problems for its owner.





	1. Part 1

Y/N flung the laundry basket across the room, cursing under her breath. She moved over to her desk, pulling apart the meticulously organized surface. Where was it? She could have sworn she put it back where it belonged, but considering the drawer to her bedside table was turned upside down on the floor, she knew it wasn’t there. She didn’t start to panic until she checked on her bookshelf, and it wasn’t there either. Now she was quiet literally ripping apart her room in hopes to find it.

“Where the hell is it?” She muttered as she dug into her closet. She had already tossed half of her wardrobe across her room. Now she was digging around on the floor, pulling apart her shoe collection. She was so focused on her task, she missed her door being opened, and the startled gap from her visitor. Her attention was more on throwing the shoes over her shoulder, that she missed when they walked up behind her. It wasn’t until said shoe collided with the persons face and the startled cry pulled her attention back. Y/N twisted around and looked up, startled. Natasha stood over her, one hand on her cheek while the other held a stiletto.

“When the hell did you get in here?”

Natasha raised a brow and tossed the shoe back in the cluttered closet. “Probably right after you decided it be a good idea to destroy your room. What the hell is going on?”

Y/N opened her mouth, quickly shutting it without a response. Her face quickly began to heat up, embarrassed. She couldn’t help it, what she lost was incredibly important to her. Not to mention incredibly incriminating if found by the wrong hands. Meaning the hands of the owner of the compound. The more she sat there, the more she figured it would be smarter just to fess up. Natasha would figure it out eventually if she didn’t already have some kind of idea.

“I lost something.”

“I figured as much.” Natasha snorted, motioning to the mess surrounding them. She turned back to the woman still on the floor, waiting for her to continue.

“Well… I…” Y/N deflated. “I lost my journal.”

“Your what?”

“My journal.”

“You… Journal?” Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the grin from spreading. Oh, this was rich. She didn’t peg Y/N as someone who kept a journal, and it was taking everything in her to not start giggling. But one look at the pained expression of her friend still on the floor in front of her, Natasha immediately sobered up. Clearly, it meant more to her then Natasha thought.

“Alright,” Natasha spoke, startling Y/N. Y/N squinted, frowning up at Natasha suspiciously.

“Alright, what?”

“Where’d you last see it?” Natasha ignored her speculation, moving around the room to collect the mess of clothes that were piled up on the floor.

“Oh, uh. My bedside drawer.”

Natasha nodded, eyeing the upturned drawer. She pulled the empty hangers out of the closet and dropped them in front of Y/N.

“Clearly it wasn’t there. Where else?” Natasha motioned for Y/N to hang her clothes back up as she moved to clean up the drawer.

“Bookshelf.”

The two spent the next hour cleaning up the mayhem Y/N had unleashed earlier, while carefully combing through the rest of her room. They checked under her bed, behind the dresser, even in the collection of purses Y/N had in her closest, but the two women’s efforts were proved fruitless. While Y/N’s room was returned back to its previous state, there was still no sign of the journal anywhere.

Y/N shoulders were slumped as the two of them made their way to the living room, Natasha’s arm thrown over her shoulders, squeezing it in reassurance.

“It’s okay. We’ll find it. It couldn’t have gone far.”

Y/N simply sighed, nodding as she moved into the room. Two heads popped up from the couch and turned at the entry of the two women. Bucky and Steve stared wide eye, looking like they had been caught in the middle of something they shouldn’t have been. The two women froze at the entrance of the living room, returning their gazes. Natasha saw a blush begin to rise on Bucky’s cheeks when his eyes slid over to Y/N. The assassin narrowed her eyes at the two super soldiers, who flinched under the glare.

“What did you do?” She prodded. Both men glanced to the other, shrinking into the couch. Steve’s mouth opened and closed as he struggled to find words. Bucky showed no help, instead was doing everything possible to not look directly at Y/N.

“Guys?” Y/N asked quietly, taking a small step forward. That got the two men on the couch moving. They both shot up, something hiding behind their backs. Natasha’s eyes narrowed into slits and stepped up with Y/N.

“N-nothing!” Steve squawked as the two stumbled backward over the coffee table. Y/N was starting to get suspicious herself. Her eyes darted down to whatever was hidden behind their backs, before looking back up to their eyes. Neither looked at her, instead, they both turned a darker shade of red as they shuffled away.

Y/N and Natasha slowly moved to cross the room, keeping in mind that any sudden moves would cause the two to bolt. The two men looked around for an opening, forgetting the open doorway to their left.

“Uh-Um. N-“ Steve started to stammer again but yelped when something behind him stopped him, the object he was keeping in his grip suddenly pulled from his hands. He and Bucky spun around, gaping at the person behind them. Tony grinned widely, happy to have caught the two men off guard, a leather-bound journal held up in his hands.

“Ooh, Cap what’s this? Got a secret diary we don’t know about?” Tony teased, sipping through the straw in the drink he held in his other hand. Steve and Bucky both tensed, hands up to make a move to grab it. A strangled cry came from behind them, and dread filled them both.

“What- Where did you get that?!” Y/N stepped back, her chest tightening. In Tony’s hand was the leather bound journal she just spent the past three hours searching for. The same journal that Tony had pulled from Steve and Bucky’s grip. It didn’t take her long; She was quickly putting the two together. They had read through the pages, their behavior from earlier proving they did indeed read her deepest secrets. Y/N face flushed and she struggled to breathe. Tears began to prick in the corner of her eyes as she looked from the journal to Steve and Bucky. Tony went rigid when he saw the fear building in the woman across the room, his eyes flicking over to the innocent looking journal. What did he just uncover?

Steve and Bucky immediately made a move to Y/N, desperate apologies slipping from their lips. Y/N back peddled, shaking her head. They knew everything, all her hidden secrets. She was ashamed with the way she felt, never planned on acting on it, and she never wanted them to know. No one was ever supposed to know. How they managed to find her journal she didn’t know. At this point, she didn’t care. Her privacy was destroyed, and she felt sick.

Natasha called out for her to stop, but Y/N was already sprinting down the hall, shouting to F.R.I.D.A.Y. to open the elevator. Two sets of heavy footsteps were closing in quickly, Steve and Bucky begging her to stop. That they didn’t know it was hers. They needed her to stop, they needed to talk to her. It all fell on deaf ears no matter how loudly they shouted.

Clint stepped out of the elevator, perplexed when he saw Y/N barreling towards him with two super soldiers frantically chasing behind her. Y/N chocked out an apology, grabbing the confused bowman and throwing him towards Steve and Bucky. The three let out alarmed cries, Clint slamming into the two men momentarily knocking the men off their feet.

Y/N slammed the garage floor button and collapsed on the floor of the elevator, tears streaming down her face as the two shove Clint off. She watched as they got up and moved towards the door, neither stopping their pleas for her to stop. They came so close to catching up, Steve throwing himself forward. But the elevator door slid closed at the last second, the boom of Steve’s body hitting the door echoing in the elevator. Y/N clenched her eyes shut as she heard their screams, the sound fading into nothing as the elevator descended. Everything in her hurt and she had to ignore the way her heart stopped at the memory of the sounds. They were never supposed to know, it was never part of the plan. She couldn’t stop herself from feeling these things, and now there was no way to hide it. How could she possibly face them now?


	2. Part 2

It wasn’t until late in the evening that Y/n dared to step foot into the compound. She had spent all day in hiding, ignoring the incessant phone calls. Natasha and the others tried to get through to her, but they were met with voicemail each time. Y/N wanted to tell them to stop calling her. She couldn’t handle dealing them right now. It was all still too fresh. Unfortunately, she knew she knew she’d need to head back eventually. She couldn’t hide forever.

“Welcome back, Miss Y/N.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. greeted her when she stepped in the elevator. “The others were quite worried about you. Would you like for me to let them know you’ve returned safely?”

“No!” Y/N her heart rate skyrocketing at the thought of the others knowing she was back. She didn’t want to be bombarded with their questions, at least not yet.

“Very well. We are glad you’re back safe.” Y/N sighed in relief as the elevator brought her to her room. When the doors slid open, she hesitantly peeked around the corners to see if anyone was in the halls. Once cleared, she slipped down the hall keeping her back against the wall. Y/N reached her door and checked over her shoulder one last time before quietly opening her door and slipping inside. Standing with her back to her room, she slowly closed the door behind her, flinching at the resounding click. The lock slid in place and she let out a sigh of relief. For a home filled with highly trained spies and soldiers, it was rather easy to break in unnoticed.

Y/N turned around, a hand running loosely through her hair. There were a few things she was trained to be ready for, but seeing two large men sprawled out on her bed fast asleep in the middle of the night was not one of the training regiments. Y/n nearly flew out of her skin at the sight of them, a startled squeak escaping her lips as her back slammed against the door. The sound was thunderous in the silent room, and the two soldiers jolted awake. Both lurched up in the bed, blinking around bleary eyed to find the source noise. Y/N froze against the door, like a deer caught in headlights when the two sets of eyes settled on her. There was a beat of silence, the fog from their slumber hindering them for a moment, and then they were flying off the bed in a flurry of rushed apologies.

Steve reached her first, dragging the alarmed woman into his arms as he repeated over and over how sorry the both were. Bucky moved to wrap himself around her from behind, arms securely around her waist so he could bury his face in her neck. He whispered over and over how they were so worried when she left, and how happy they were that she was here. How she was safe.

Y/N stood motionless, her eyes wide as she was pinned between the two soldiers. She had dreams like this, pressed between the two of them, but she was always blissfully happy. Instead, she felt panic bubble up to cause her breath to quicken in short shallow bursts. The two didn’t miss her shift, tensing with her still in their iron grips.

“Y/N. It’s okay, breath.” Bucky cooed, his voice low and rough in her ear. Steve repeated Bucky’s word, a hand running through her hair. Y/N shook her head, twisting in their arms to gain some sense of freedom. The two reluctantly let her slip from their grip, watching her sadly as she moved across the room.

“Hey, Y/N. It’s alright.” Steve started again, freezing mid-step at the panicked, wide eye look she shot his way. He raised his hands in surrender, his expression dropping. Bucky’s expression shifted to mirror Steve, his shoulders dropping. While she looked in terror between the two of them, they both were fighting to not break down right in front of her.

The shame of reading the words on the pages didn’t fully hit them until they saw the look of betrayal on her face in the living room. They had no idea it was her journal, it was left wide open on the coffee table as if inviting them in to read the neat cursive. They had only made it a few pages in, the words speaking to them in ways they didn’t know words could when they heard Natasha and Y/N enter the room. They panicked. Their hearts dropped as her expression did, and then panicked once more as she sprinted out of the room. They tried to catch her, but she was too quick, too clever. Maybe if Clint hadn’t been on the elevator, they might have caught her and been able to explain as best they could. Instead, Steve’s shoulder still smarted from where he slammed against the metal doors, and Bucky’s knee still hurt from where he landed after tripping over Clint.

No matter how many times they tried to call, they were sent straight to voicemail. Messages were left unanswered, and their fear rose by the minute. They tried to convince Natasha to go look for her, but both were met with a cold hard glare. Resigning they wouldn’t find her until she wished to emerge, they gave up for the time. Minutes turned to hours, and both Steve and Bucky were beyond worried. They went to check to see if she might have slipped in unnoticed, just to peak. But her room was empty, and Steve couldn’t stop himself from walking in. He still had the journal, managing to swipe it from Tony before he could read it, and felt the need to put it back. Bucky trailed behind, looking around the room before he collapsed on her bed. They both sat, staring at the wall with her photos of the team before them before they finally spoke of the words they read.

It was hard for them, finding the right words to speak of their thoughts on her journal entry. Once they did, their discussion flowed easily. They didn’t know that Y/N thought that way, and talking to the other, both Bucky and Steve learned they had the same thoughts as her. They didn’t remember falling asleep, the stress mounting to a point of exhaustion. They woke to the slam of her body against the door, and now here they were with Y/N staring at them as if they were about to break her heart. And it broke theirs.

“Wh-what are you-?” Y/N struggled to speak, her voice softly shaking. She was still reeling from finding them in her room, to being wrapped up in both their arms, and then staring into their pleading eyes. She couldn’t take their rejections, her heart not strong enough to handle it. She wrote it out for a reason, so she could put it into words without having to speak out loud.

“Please, just listen.” Bucky begged, taking a hesitant step forward. “We had no idea it was your journal, and we have no idea how it got into the living room. Either way, we’re both incredibly sorry to have read it. It wasn’t for us to read and we hope you can find it in your heart to trust us again.”

Y/N shifted in place, linking her hands together to twist in front of her. She turned her gaze away, finding it harder and harder to look at them. Trust wasn’t the problem, not at the moment, but she didn’t interrupt to correct him. 

“It’s sitting on your desk now. We made sure Tony didn’t read it too,” Bucky motioned to her desk where it lay closed on the table top. Y/N glanced at it briefly, before she ducked her head once more. “But doll, we need to talk about this.”

Vigorously shaking her head, Y/N’s breath caught and she spun around to collapse on the bed. Burring her face in her palms, she made a noise of protest muffled by her hands. A weight settled on either side of Y/N, gentle hesitant hands surrounding her and began stroking down her back and rubbing her arms. She flinched away from their soft touches, but neither Steve nor Bucky pulled away.

“Hey, doll look at us.” He sighed at the aggressive head shake response, but Bucky was not giving up. “Alright then just listen. You don’t need to be ashamed, nothing that you wrote was shameful. You wrote words from your heart, words you never meant for us to read, but I’m so glad we did. I have no doubt it was hard to come to terms with what you were admitting, hell even with Steve and I it was hard.” Y/N began to relax in his touch, looking up to gape at Bucky. He chuckled softly before continuing. “Yeah, we talked about it. Fell asleep after we hashed everything out. Turns out, you’re not the only one who thinks those things either.”

Y/N’s mouth fell open, whipping her head between the two, who were smiling softly at her shocked expression.

“Wait, what?!”

Steve scooted forward, his arms open wide in question before scooping her up into his arms at her hesitant nod. “It wasn’t something we both were aware of, not until we sat down to talk. But there are a few things you didn’t put into consideration. For starters, we both have grown up together. We were inseparable all the way up to the war, and even then, when I found Bucky the first time, we never left each other’s sides. When Bucky came back a second time, nothing changed and we’ve hardly been apart since.”

He paused, tilting her head up with a finger under her chin to lock eyes. There was a glint of mischief behind his grin, a look she’d only would see when he had a plan up his sleeve. A quick glance to Bucky showed a similar grin, dangerous when both were on the same page, and caused her heart to pound in her chest. The only way she knew they weren’t teasing her was by how they both were tense, ready to hold her tighter if she decided to fly the coop again. Were things really heading in the direction she thought it was going?

“We’ve always shared things, but never shared what we felt about you.” Bucky voice was softer as he brushed his knees against Steve’s. There was a waver, a hitch in his throat as he continued. “Us reading your journal brought out a secret we kept from even ourselves. I don’t think we’d ever admitted it out loud if we hadn’t found it.”

Y/N’s mouth opened and closed, their words slowly sinking in. _This wasn’t happening, right?_

“Are you willing to try? With us?” Steve asked, a slight quiver in his voice as he took his turn to lay his heart out on the table. His stomach was in knots, and he tried to hide his jitters by holding Y/N tighter. “We know its… Odd. But Buck and I both agree; This is something we’d want. Something we wanted for a while, but could never admit it out loud. There’s no one else I’d agree to this with, but with you and Bucky, I want to.”

Bucky reached up to gently pushed a stray hair behind her ear, an uncertain smile on his own face. Y/N breath caught in her throat at the intensity behind his stormy blues. He was just as nervous at Steve and was laying his own heart out there. Not at all how Y/N thought this would turn out.

“Well, doll. What do you say? Will you give it- give us a shot?”

Was this really what she wanted? That’s a dumb question. Y/N didn’t have to think about it, she had done enough of that today to last a lifetime anyway. She knew they both were serious; they never were the people to tease and torment others to begin with. Not over something like this. Squaring her shoulders, Y/N felt a calm wash over her as she sat tall in both Steve’s and Bucky’s arms. The two followed suit, their full attention on the woman between them. Taking in a deep breath, Y/N answered them with a watery smile.

“Of course, I will.”


End file.
